Introduction
The 101st episode of Theme Time Radio Hour, “Kiss” also known as “The Kiss Show” and “Kissing,” was originally
released on February 11, 2015 by Berlin radio station Radio Eins as a special episode of its “Friendly Takeover”
series. Like TTRH, the “Friendly
Takeover” show features musicians acting as deejay and playing cuts that
they’ve selected.
Advertised by Radio Eins
as previously “unknown” and “never broadcasted,” “Kiss” seems to have been recorded during TTRH’s third season, which ran from late 2008 to
April 2009. Why "Kiss" never aired
until six or seven years later is unknown.
Perhaps the TTRH team was unhappy with the sound quality. Much of Our
Host’s commentary sounds as if it was recorded in a cavern, especially in the
early half of the show. Maybe the grim stories about Connie Francis and J.
Frank Wilson gave the producers second thoughts about airing a dark show with the light-hearted theme of “Kiss.”
If either of those are right, it leaves open the question
as to why the producers didn’t go back and re-record or re-edit “Kiss”
and then release it.
So, maybe the producers recorded back-up episodes in case of emergency and the need to replace a scheduled show? Maybe Season 3
was originally going to run longer than the 25 episodes that were aired? Maybe
they were planning a fourth season?
We’ll probably never know.
How the show ended up with Radio
Eins in 2015 is another question.
Possibly “Friendly Takeover” solicited Mr. D.’s office to have him do a
show a la the old TTRH and in due
course the answer came back, “No, but we do have this unaired episode of the original
TTRH that you can use. Interested?”
"Don't Ask Me How Many Times We Kissed"
Shortly after Radio Eins aired
“Kiss” the show was broadcast on Sirius XM and later on the BBC, which leads into
the curious problem of the different “Kisses.”
There are at least two versions of “Kiss” online: the Radio Eins “original,” and a version broadcast by the BBC. The most glaring differences are that the Radio Eins version drops a full segment – Billy Boy Arnold and “Kissing at Midnight” – while the BBC version drastically edits Our Host’s commentary on Connie Francis and drops the closing credits. There are several other differences between the two which I note in the transcription.
There are at least two versions of “Kiss” online: the Radio Eins “original,” and a version broadcast by the BBC. The most glaring differences are that the Radio Eins version drops a full segment – Billy Boy Arnold and “Kissing at Midnight” – while the BBC version drastically edits Our Host’s commentary on Connie Francis and drops the closing credits. There are several other differences between the two which I note in the transcription.
Both versions were probably edited for time reasons. “Friendly Takeover” is normally a 55-minute
show, and the producers needed to make cuts to fit the show within the time
they had. The BBC “Kiss” episode includes a news segment, as well as an ID and promo, all of which
eat into the show’s allotted time.
The BBC editor appears to have been more of a fan of TTRH than his
Radio Eins counterpart, making the
Solomonic choice to keep “Kissing at Midnight” while losing most of the overly
long and very depressing Connie Francis commentary as well as editing out Our
Host’s “see you next week.” Sadly, there has been no “next week,” at least not
yet.
Of the two, the BBC version is probably the “better” version,
including intros and outros for Prince’s “Kiss” and Huelyn Duvall’s “Pucker
Paint” as well as a segment on mistletoe missing in the Radio Eins version. Yet, completists will want both, of course, if
for no other reason than for Our Host’s full commentary on Connie Francis, as
bleak as it is.
An enterprising TTRH fan has created a composite show using both versions. As the BBC show had better sound quality, it forms the foundation of the composite show, with missing segments added from the Radio Eins version. Links to the aiff files of the composite show can be found here. Links to an mp3 version of the composite show can be found here.
~ Fred Bals
Being a (Presumably) “Compleat” Transcript (with Occasional Commentary) of the 101st episode of Theme Time Radio Hour, first airing on February 11, 2015
Prelude To A Kiss – Ben Webster (excerpt)
THE LADY IN RED: It’s nighttime in the Big City. Someone in
the building is making popcorn. A waitress returns home, happy to take her
shoes off…
… I wish people would curb their dogs.
This is Theme Time Radio Hour with your host, Bob Dylan.
***
Commentary
“A waitress returns home, happy to take
her shoes off.” Ellen Barkin, Theme Time’s Lady in Red, says
this line in another TTRH intro, episode
40, “Laughter.” It appears that the Lady
in Red’s intros are compilations, as there are several examples during the
show’s run of one of her lines being re-used.
While the Lady in Red’s intros sometimes
had something to do with the show’s theme, there are
many intros that don’t, and even one or two shows where there’s no intro at
all.
***
A Little Love, A Little Kiss – Eddie Lang (excerpt)
OUR HOST: Welcome to Theme Time Radio Hour. Today we’re going to
take a musical look at one of my favorite pastimes. It’s an act of intimacy,
the thing that Mae West called a man’s signature. And I’m guessing she
knows what she was talking about.
You can call it a lip lock, or, as our friends across the pond
call it, “snogging.” I call it good old-fashioned kissing.
You can kiss up, kiss off, kiss the Blarney Stone, or kiss my
ass. So, for the next hour, we’re going to play a little musical
game of “spin the bottle.” This is your kissing bandit welcoming you to the osculatory
edition of Theme Time Radio Hour.
Clip from the film Casablanca (1942)
OUR HOST: Here’s a little lady from Chicago way, though she
was actually born in Mississippi. She made her name in Chicago, recording
for local labels like Vee-Jay, Cobra, and Wonderful. Wasn’t till she went
to Vee-Jay that she made her mark. Here’s Betty Everett and the Shoop
Shoop Song, “It’s in His Kiss.”
It's In His Kiss (The Shoop Shoop Song) – Betty Everett (1964)
OUR HOST: That was Betty Everett, The Shoop Shoop Song.
Smooching – Mark Knopfler (excerpt)
If it’s in his kiss, perhaps it’s mononucleosis, commonly known as
the “kissing disease.” It’s a viral infection, most often the Epstein-Barr
virus. It’s carried in saliva and is usually spread by kissing. But you can get
it from sneezes and coughs also. Personally, I’d prefer to get it from kissing.
Doctor Joyce Brothers reports that before marriage the average
American woman has kissed 79 men, which means that 79 men have kissed Doctor
Joyce Brothers.
***
Commentary
A well-known personality of the `60s and `70s, so well-known that
she played herself in a variety of television shows ranging from “Happy Days”
to “The Simpsons,” Doctor Joyce Brothers was sometimes known as the “mother of
mass-media psychology,” a forerunner of Drs. Ruth and Phil. While
Brothers’ “report” is cited in many books and websites, where she first said or
wrote it is harder to discover, possibly on her radio show, or in one of her
many publications.
The crack TTRH research team missed an opportunity to have Mr. D.
talk about Brothers’ expertise in boxing knowledge, which probably would have
tickled his fancy.
According to Brothers’ New
York Times obituary, “The demure-looking, scholarly Dr. Brothers had first
come to wide attention as a contestant on ‘The $64,000 Question,’ where she
triumphed as an improbable authority on boxing… She made her first appearance
on the show in late 1955, returning week after week until she had won the top
prize, $64,000 — only the second person, and the first woman, to do so. She
later won the same amount, also for boxing knowledge, on a spinoff show, ‘The
$64,000 Challenge.”’
At the height of the quiz show scandals, Dr. Brothers would appear
before a congressional committee to prove that she hadn't been fed the answers.
She passed the test easily, and would move on to her first television show,
“Sports Showcase.”
And the rest is history. Dr. Joyce Brothers, academic
psychologist, counselor to millions, game show panelist, and student of the
sweet science.
***
OUR HOST: Blackie
Crawford had a band called the Western Cherokees. His singer in that band
became much more famous. His name was Lefty Frizzell and he’s a big
favorite here around the Abernathy Building. Blackie and Lefty wrote this
song together and it spent 12 weeks at #1 on the country charts. Here’s the
always punctual Lefty Frizzell, “Always Late with Your Kisses.”
Always Late With Your Kisses – Lefty Frizzell (1951)
OUR HOST: That was Lefty Frizzell, “Always Late with Your
Kisses.”
I Will Survive – The Texas Gypsies (excerpt)
OUR HOST: There’s being late with your kisses and there’s
even the worse experience of being left at the altar. That’s what happened to
Nicole Contos. In 19 and 97 she was due to marry a shipping broker by the
name of Tasos Michael. She was in a packed church in Manhattan and he
left her. He didn’t even show up. But she went on with the wedding by
herself. The wedding cost $65,000 and she wasn’t going to waste it.
Her friends rallied around her, enjoyed the $175-a-plate dinner and
afterwards cheered her on when she danced to the disco hit, “I Will Survive.”
Nicole Contos, a resilient woman.
***
Commentary
The New York Times printed a report that Contos and Michael had
married in their Weddings section on November 23rd 19 and 97, and two days later issued a
retraction:
Correction: November 25, 1997, Tuesday A report in the Sunday
Styles section this week about the marriage of Nicole Contos and Tasos Michael
was published in error. The ceremony, scheduled for late Saturday afternoon,
was canceled after the section went to press.
Because the Gray Lady always admits her mistakes, you can still
read the announcement of the wedding that wasn't on the Times website.
***
Sombra Que Besa – Trío Matamoros y Los Guaracheros De Oriente
(excerpt)
OUR HOST: This is Theme Time Radio Hour. We’re talking about
kissing, which means we’re centering on cupidity and not stupidity.
Lucinda Williams wrote a song all about passionate kisses. Lucinda’s father was
a poet, and a literature professor, and they traveled extensively when she was
a child through Mexico and Chile as well as the American South. All
that travel was good for her, ‘cause she soaked up a lot of
culture. A lot of people know this song because it was a big hit for Mary
Chapin Carpenter. A #5 smash. It got Lucinda her first of three
Grammy awards. So, let’s listen to Lucinda’s version from her 1988 album,
here’s “Passionate Kisses.”
Passionate Kisses – Lucinda Williams (1988)
OUR HOST: That was Lucinda Williams, “Passionate Kisses”
here on Theme Time Radio Hour, where we’re reminding you that a one-minute kiss
burns about 26 calories. Deep, passionate kissing burns up to 600
calories per hour. If anyone listening needs a workout, I’m available.
[BBC version – OUR HOST: Billy Boy Arnold was born in 1935
in Chicago, Illinois. And like Betty Everett, he recorded for the Vee-Jay
record label. But he had his start playing harmonica with Bo Diddley.
After a couple of records, though, he struck out on his own. You probably
know his song, “I Wish You Would.” But this one is all about kissing at a
particular time. Here’s Billy Boy Arnold, “Kissing at Midnight.”]
Billy Boy Arnold - Kissing at Midnight (1957)
***
Commentary
To complete the lostness of the "Kiss" Lost Theme Time Radio Hour episode, the Billy Boy Arnold segment is missing from the original Radio Eins broadcast and thus from the recordings posted online, including the Soundcloud version that Dreamtime linked to in an earlier post.
The BBC rebroadcast includes the deleted cut but is missing other parts of the show broadcast on Radio Eins.
Accept no substitutes! If you don't have William "Billy
Boy" Arnold or the full Connie Francis story as part of your legally obtained
copy of "Kiss" you're being shortchanged. Thanks to our friends
at The
Bob Dylan Fan Club and Expecting
Rain for
pointing this out.
***
[BBC version – OUR HOST: That was Billy Boy Arnold and “Kissing at
Midnight.”]
Kissing Is A Crime – The Original Carter Family (excerpt)
If you’re kissing at midnight, better be careful and not do it
where the blue laws are in effect. You can find blue laws in the United States
and Canada and they’re meant to protect the Sabbath as a sacred day. These laws
would prohibit breaches in family discipline, public drunkenness, public
displays of affection and excesses in dress. They’re called “blue laws” because
of the blue paper they were originally printed on.
***
Commentary
It’s a myth that "blue laws" were named after the blue
paper on which they were printed. No one actually knows how the term
originated, but the most likely theory, according to Snopes.com, is that it was
probably derived “…from an eighteenth-century usage of the word
"blue" as a disparaging reference to something perceived as
"rigidly moral" (a "bluenose," for example, is one who
advocates a rigorous moral code).”
OUR HOST: Let’s move from blue laws to a purple artist,
Minneapolis native, Prince, or as I call him, “The Artist formerly known as the
Artist formerly known as Prince.”
[BBC version – Here’s a song of his that was recorded by Tom
Jones, The Art of Noise, and a whole bunch of other people. But I’ve always
liked the original. It’s a funk record that doesn’t have any bass on it. Here’s
Prince.]
Kiss – Prince (1986)
OUR HOST: That was Prince, and “Kiss.” I always thought KISS
should have recorded a song called, “Prince.” I’ll have to call
Gene Simmons and ask him about that.
***
Commentary
As with “When Doves Cry,” there’s no bass track on “Kiss” as Our
Host mentions. Prince decided to mute the bass on both tracks during mix-down.
Prince is mentioned twice before on TTRH, in one of the few
examples of the producers re-cycling the same narrative clip on different
episodes. Dylan would re-use the same line, “… just like Prince, she’s from
Minnesota” when introducing
Judy Garland’s “Come Rain or Come Shine” on the premiere “Weather” show as well
as for Judy’s other appearance on TTRH, performing “Smile” in the Season 3
“Happiness” episode.
***
[BBC version – OUR HOST: One place a lot of people kiss is under
the mistletoe. Well, it's an interesting legend. According to Scandinavian
myth, the Norse god Baldur was the best loved of all the gods. Frigga was his
mother, the goddess of love and beauty. She wanted to make sure no harm would
ever come to her beloved son. She went through the entire world getting
promises from everything that sprang from the four elements that they would not
harm her beloved Baldur.
The evil trickster Loki was able to find the one thing that could
harm Baldur, and that was mistletoe. He made an arrow from the wood of the
mistletoe. To be even crueler, he took the arrow to Baldur’s blind brother Hodor.
Loki guided Hodor’s hand and shot the arrow at Baldur’s heart. He fell dead,
and Frigga's tears changed the red mistletoe berries to white. But the gods
gave mercy on Frigga and Baldur was restored to life. Frigga was so grateful
that she showed no hatred for the offending mistletoe plant, making it a symbol
of love and promising to bestow a kiss upon anyone who passed beneath it.
OUR HOST: [BBC version – I'm sure some of those kisses happened in the dark.] Here’s
Memphis Minnie, one of the great guitarist and singers, “Kissing in the Dark”
Kissing In The Dark – Memphis Minnie (1953)
OUR HOST: That was Memphis Minnie, “Kissing in the Dark,” written
by her husband at the time, Ernest Lawlars, who was known as “Little Son Joe.”
Sealed With A Kiss – Artist Unknown (excerpt)
OUR HOST: The average person spends 336 hours of their life
kissing. It doesn’t seem like enough.
Another popular “Kiss” was made by Milton Hershey, a candy
maker in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. In 1894 he started the Hershey Company,
and they produce chocolates to this day. In 1907 they produced a
flat-bottomed, cone-shaped candy. They gave it the name, “Kiss,”
because of the sound the machine nozzle made as it squirted out a drop of
chocolate. [kiss sound]
Somehow I wish I didn’t know that.
Clip from the film Naked Kiss (1964)
OUR HOST: One kind of kiss you definitely want more of is a
French Kiss. A lot of people think that the French Kiss originated in
France. Actually, the term became slang in 19 and 23 as a slur to the
French. People thought that the French were overly infatuated with sexual
matters as anyone who knows the complete version of the poem that begins….
“The French, they are a funny race”
… can tell you.
***
Commentary
We’re going to get a bit blue here, so kindly cover your
children’s ears and ladies and sensitive souls may want to leave the room.
I suspect that somewhere on the shelves of Studio B’s musicology
library is the 1992 book, Unprintable
Ozark Folksongs and Folklore: Roll me in your arms, Volume 1, which includes the lyrics to an
unexpurgated version of Mademoiselle
from Armentières…
Oh! the French, they are a funny race
Parlay-voo?
The French they are a funny race
Parlay-voo?
The French they are a funny race
The fight with their feet—
And fuck with their face—
Hinky-dinky parlay-voo?!
The author of “Unprintable Ozark Folksongs and Folklore..” goes on
to note that the tune, sung to the melody of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home”
was the most popular song among the British and American troops of World War I
and apparently had its origins in a German drinking song of the early 19th century, “The Landlord’s Daughter,”
later known as “Three German Officers Crossed the Rhine.”
***
April Kisses – Eddie Lang (excerpt)
OUR HOST: In France, there’s no such thing as a “French
Kiss.” They probably just call it a “kiss,” just like they call French Fries
“fries.” In French what it’s called “embrasser avec la langue,” which means
literally, “to kiss the tongue.” Or as some prefer to say, “rouler un pelle,”
which means, “to roll the blade.”
Here’s a song out of New Orleans, kind of a local hit, but didn’t
make a lot of noise anywhere else. I always enjoyed it though, and I thought
this would be an opportunity to share it with you. It’s by a singer named Danny
White, this is the closest he ever had to a hit, and it was in 19 and 63. “Kiss
Tomorrow Goodbye.”
Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye – Danny White (1962)
OUR HOST: That was Danny White, “Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye.”
[BBC version – OUR HOST: The closest thing he had to another hit
was the next year with a cover version of Earl King’s ballad, “Loan Me a
Handkerchief,” an admonitory song to say the least.]
[BBC version – News @ the 30 minute mark]
[BBC version – OUR HOST: “Let's continue our kissing show with a
guy who didn't have a hit, but he had the last word on a hit. I'll explain it
after I play the song. Here’s Huelyn Duvall, “Pucker Paint.”]
Pucker Paint – Huelyn Duvall (1960)
OUR HOST: That was Huelyn Duvall and "Pucker Paint".
[BBC version -- “Tequila” –
The Champs [excerpt]
[BBC version – OUR HOST: He never had a hit of his own, but back in 19 and 58 he was asked
to sit in on a recording session. He didn't play guitar on that record, but he
added some "oohs" and "aahs" to the A-side, a song called
"Train to Nowhere". The B-side was an instrumental, and he didn't
play on it at all. However, he did yell the title out on the end, and sometime
every day you can hear Huelyn Duvall yell out "Tequila" at the end of
the Champs record.”]
***
Commentary
It both amuses and worries me how easy it is to start acting like the TTRH research team. Below is my original commentary chiding the producers for
their lack of information on Huelyn Duvall, and offering some trivia to fill in
the gap.
Apparently Nina Fitzgerald-Washington and I think alike.
***
It’s rare indeed when Mr. D. simply intros and outros a song
without any commentary, so Dreamtime will step in. "Pucker Paint"
was released on Gene Autry's Challenge label in 19 and 60 b/w the B-side
“Boom-Boom Baby.” Neither cut moved the success needle for Duvall, although “Boom-Boom
Baby” would later become a #1 hit for rockabilly Crash Craddock in
Australia.
As he tells it, Huelyn Duvall’s closest brush with a hit was with
the instrumental “Tequila,” by the Flores Trio (later renamed as “The Champs”)
where he was one of the background voices on the original cut shouting out the
title at the song’s end.
Released in 19 and 58 as the B-side for "Train to
Nowhere" on the Challenge label, “Tequila” is another example of a B-side
becoming the more memorable cut. After a Cleveland DJ started promoting
it on his show, "Tequila" skyrocketed up the charts, reaching #1 on
the Billboard chart on March 28, 19 and 58.
***
Lipstick Sunset – John Hiatt (excerpt)
OUR HOST: Connie Francis was a very popular artist who had a
very sad life.
[BBC version – But that’s not how I choose to remember her. Let’s
remember Connie Francis in happier times with a light-hearted look at marital
infidelity. Here she is: “Lipstick on Your Collar.”]
Her father tried to get her to make a living playing and teaching
the accordion. She was on a competition at age 9 on Arthur Godfrey’s “Talent
Scouts.” Even then, Arthur Godfrey could tell how beautiful her voice was and
convinced her to give up the accordion. She recorded a series of singles that
went nowhere. She was on her way to a pre-med scholarship at New York
University. But first, one last recording session, which included a song that
she hated, but that her
father wanted her to record. She sang it quickly, only doing one take. America
fell in love with it, and “Who’s Sorry Now” was the first of a long string of
hits. She knew a lot of different languages, and recorded her songs in
Italian, Hebrew, Spanish, French, German, and Japanese. She starred in the
movies in “Where the Boys Are,” “Looking for Love,” and “When the Boys Meet the
Girls.”
She retired for awhile, but in 19 and 74 her third husband
convinced her to go back on the stage. She had only done four performances when
she checked into a motel on Long Island. The motel lock was faulty, and she was
raped. Her marriage fell apart. Shortly thereafter she was bouncing back,
but in 19 and 81 her brother was brutally murdered. It was only during therapy
for all these events that she discovered that she was maniac-depressive
and had been addicted to pills for maybe as long as 25 years.
She sued the hotel she got raped in for negligence and received
2.5 million dollars, which at the time was the largest personal injury
settlement in history. It doesn't seem enough for the amount of pain she went
through. But that’s not how I choose to remember her. Let’s remember Connie
Francis in happier times with a light-hearted look at marital infidelity.
Here she is: “Lipstick on Your Collar.”
Lipstick On Your Collar – Connie Francis (1959)
OUR HOST: That was Connie Francis with a story of trouble
told in color on the collar of your shirt.
You know how people sign letters with “X”s , that mean little
kisses? Well, here’s where that came from. Hundreds of years ago when clergy
and priests wrote letters they would sign their name, and then they would
add a cross. That’s because a cross has many interpretations. One of the
primary meanings is “love.” So it was nice to sign off a letter with that.
‘Bout three hundred years after that, people who were writing love letters started
adopting the cross symbol as a shorthand for “love.” But they rotated it ‘bout
45 degrees, so when you take a cross and turn it 45 degrees you get an “X” and
they say this rotation was to imitate the way you turn your head when giving a
kiss. So the “X” at the end of a letter became the sign of a kiss.
[Radio Eins version – Now, it seems like I know a lot about kissing.] Here’s Don and Phil with a
song written by Don. It’s from 19 and 59 on the Cadence record label, and
if you have to ask, “Don and Phil who?” you’re not a regular listener of this
show. Here are the Everly Brothers, “Til I Kissed You.”
('Til) I Kissed You – The Everly Brothers (1959)
OUR HOST: That was the Everly Brothers, “Until I Kissed
You.”
Lou Rossinhol – Geoffrey Mitchell Choir & Martin Best
(excerpt)
OUR HOST: The tradition of lifting the veil and kissing the
bride is a combination of two old customs. Lifting the veil was a part of the
ancient wedding ritual. See, marriages used to be arranged by family
members. The newlyweds quite often had never met. These arranged marriages had
large sums of money riding on them, and sometimes there was the fear that if
the groom didn't like the bride’s looks he might refuse to marry her and her
family would lose a great dowry. This is why the father of the bride gave the broad away at the wedding ceremony, only
after they lifted her veil would he see her face for the first time.
***
Commentary
A pure Groucho Marx moment, Our Host distinctly says “broad” when
referring to the blushing bride.
***
OUR HOST: In ancient Rome, couples became betrothed by
kissing passionately in front of a group of people and that’s why we have
kissing at the end of the modern wedding ceremony.
Pepe Le Pew clip
Besame Mucho – Pérez Prado (excerpt)
OUR HOST: You’re listening to Theme Time Radio Hour, your home for
themes, dreams, and smooching schemes. So pucker up and listen.
If you got to kiss, people do it different ways in different
places. For example, in the Middle East, cheek kissing between a male and
female is usually considered inappropriate, unless it’s within the same family.
Some cultures in the Himalayas don’t kiss at all. They know that saliva has a
lot of bacteria and I guess they’re afraid of mono. Some cultures in Africa
don’t kiss on the mouth because they consider it a portal to the soul. So
someone that kisses you could take your soul.
And in the South Pacific’s Trobriand Islands kissing is highly
erotic and very aggressive. It begins with gentle hugging and kissing, then
progresses until you’re biting each other’s lips and bleeding commences. It
concludes with biting off each other’s eyelash tips.
I know it sounds weird, but it’s pretty good! Trust me.
OUR HOST: Some kisses can get you into trouble, but just as easily
you can use them to make up. Here are The Falcons, with a very young Wilson
Pickett. Right after he recorded this record with the Falcons, he
went off on a solo career. From 19 and 63, on the Atlantic label, “Let’s Kiss
and Make Up,” The Falcons.
Let's Kiss And Make Up – The Falcons (1963)
OUR HOST: That was The Falcons, here on Theme Time Radio Hour,
“Let’s Kiss and Make Up,” not to be confused with KISS and makeup.
A second email, I got one here, that’s perfect for today’s show.
Comes to us from Lawrence P. Boar from Sheepshead Bay, Long Island. Lawrence
writes,
“Dear Theme Time Gang. I heard through the grapevine that
you’re doing a show about kissing. I could sure use your help. My
girlfriend says I’m a bad kisser. We get along great, but I’m afraid this one
problem is going to ruin the whole thing. Please help! Anxious in
Sheepshead Bay, Long Island, Lawrence P. More.”
Smooch – Miles Davis (excerpt)
OUR HOST: Well, Lawrence, kissing is an important part of a
relationship, and it’s one of those things that you have to be relaxed to
do. So the fact that you’re getting anxious about it isn’t helping you
one bit. However, I can give you a few tips. Armed with this
knowledge, you’ll feel a little more confident and be able to set things
right. First of all, make sure your lips are moist. Run your tongue over
your lips once before you kiss her. No one likes to kiss sandpaper. Stand close
to your partner, you don’t want her to have her reach too far. Tilt your head
slightly to one side. Close your eyes just before your lips meet. Just close
them! Some people like to leave their eyes open during a kiss, but
until you understand your partner’s preference, better to play it safe and
close your eyes.
Open your lips slightly, not like you’re going to swallow her
whole head, just a little bit and hold your breath, breathe through your nose.
Press your partner’s lips gently, move your lips in a slow, circular
motion. Be gentle but firm. And finally, and I can’t stress this
enough, have a pocketful of mints. There’s no underestimating the
attractiveness of good breath.
Good luck and happy kissing. I hope it won’t be until long
that your hear your girl say, “Baby, let me kiss you just one more time.”
***
Commentary
“How to Kiss” joins such other memorable TTRH advice from Mr. D.
as “Household Cleaning Tips” and “How to Grow Flowers.” Keen-eared listeners
will hear a couple of mistakes in this excerpt: Our Host refers to the
letter as a second email, even though it’s the one and
only email read on “Kiss.” The writer’s last name also changes during Mr. D.’s
reading, from “Boar” to “More.” Nonetheless, it’s one of the best advice
segments Our Host has read over TTRH’s run.
***
OUR HOST: Hey, that sounds like a song cue! Why, golly, it
is. Here’s Roy Head and The Traits.
Baby Let Me Kiss You One More Time – Roy Head & The Traits
(1958)
OUR HOST: That was Roy Head and The Traits and “Baby Let Me
Kiss You Just One More Time.” Everybody talks about how great cow bells sound
on records, but they forget how good a tambourine can sound. That record will
remind you. Roy was only 16 years old when he recorded that. It was his
first record and was in the Top Ten locally, and by “locally” I mean Three
Rivers, Texas, which is where Roy is from.
You all know Roy from his big hit “Treat Her Right,” and he’s
still out there performing. I saw him two years ago at the Ponderosa Stomp and
they tore the place up.
***
Commentary
According to a Dreamtime correspondent, Roy Head has played at
the Ponderosa Stomp Festival over various years, including 2005, 2006, 2009,
and 2010, leaving Mr. D.’s statement on seeing him “two years ago” as
unreliable evidence on when the “Kiss” episode was recorded. We’ll come back to
the subject in later commentary.
***
OUR HOST: We’re getting up near the end of the show, and
almost time for a kiss goodnight.
Clip from the film Junior Prom (1946)
OUR HOST: Well, we’ve got time for a couple more
songs. Here’s a song written by a guy whose got the best hair in show
business. If you don’t believe me , Google him right now. The writer’s
name was Wayne Cochran. We’ll tell you about him on the other side of the song.
But first I want to tell you about the guy who sang it.
The Kiss – Nicholas Hooper (excerpt)
J. Frank Wilson had only one hit. He was the vocalist with a band
called “The Cavaliers,” who played around local Texas clubs. This record came
out and became a huge hit. Unfortunately J. Frank Wilson didn’t know how
to deal with it. He thought he was a superstar. He filled himself up with sex
and booze and stayed up night and day. It was so bad that the band left him
behind after just a few shows. He never had another hit. He died before
his 50th birthday, an
alcoholic, alone in a nursing home.
OUR HOST: The song, however, had a longer life. Pearl Jam
recorded it in 1999, and it became their biggest chart hit, going all the way
up to #2. One of the saddest songs in pop history.
Last Kiss – J. Frank Wilson & The Cavaliers (1964)
OUR HOST: That was J. Frank Wilson, “Last Kiss,”
written by the man with the platinum pompadour, Wayne Cochran.
Let me tell you how the song was written. On December 22nd,
19 and 62 16-year-old Janet Clark was out on a date. She was with a group of
friends in a Chevrolet on Highway 341. The car collided with a trailer
truck. Janet, the driver, and another teenager were killed. Two other
kids in the car had serious injuries. It was a terribly gory accident. So bad,
in fact, that a local gas station attendant who helped in recovery of the bodies
did not recognize his own daughter. Fifteen miles away, Wayne Cochran was
paying $20 a month rent for an old shack. He saw many accidents on that stretch
of highway, so many that he started writing a song about them. But he could
never finish it. The death of Janet Clark was a horrible inspiration for him to
finish that song. He called it “Last Kiss.”
Kissing A Wolf – Johnny Klimek & Reinhold Heil (excerpt)
OUR HOST: Wayne went on to have a career as a
dynamic rhythm and blues performer, but eventually he left it all behind to
join the clergy, preaching in Miami.
OUR HOST: Well, we can’t end the show with such a sad
kiss, so let’s listen to one of the masters, the fountainhead from which all
music flows. Louie Armstrong and a song that was a signature piece of his live
performances in the later period of his life. This is a version he recorded in
19 and 51 with “A Kiss to Build a Dream On.”
A Kiss To Build A Dream On – Louis Armstrong (1951)
OUR HOST: That was Louie Armstrong, from the
movie, “The Strip,” “A Kiss to Build a Dream On.” If that song sounds
familiar, maybe you recognize it from the movie “Sleepless in Seattle.”
OUR HOST: Before we go, I want to share some words
with you written by Robert Burns. It’s called “[Ode] to a Kiss”
Romance de los Pinos – Andrés Segovia (excerpt)]
Humid seal of soft affections,
Tend'rest pledge of future bliss,
Dearest tie of young connections,
Love's first snow-drop, virgin kiss.
Speaking silence, dumb confession,
Passion's birth, and infants' play,
Dove-like fondness, chaste concession,
Glowing dawn of brighter day.
Sorrowing joy, adieu's last action,
Ling'ring lips, -- no more to join!
What words can ever speak affection
Thrilling and sincere as thine!
OUR HOST: Robert Burns, kissable poet.
[Radio Eins version –Kiss
Urass Goodbye – Redd Foxx (excerpt)]
OUR HOST: Thanks for listening and I’m going to leave
you with the words of Albert Einstein. Albert said, “Any man who can drive
safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention
it deserves.” I agree with him totally. [Radio Eins version – We’ll see you next week.] Go kiss someone you love.
***
Commentary
There’s a great thread on snopes.com on the “driving … kissing” quote with a
writer tracing its origins to as early as 1924, with the line being used by
everyone from car companies, gag writers, and even Tennessee Ernie Ford over
the years.
***
[RadioEins version
includes the following credits]
[Top Cat Underscore]
PIERRE MANCINI: Thanks for listening to Theme Time Radio
Hour, with your host, Bob Dylan.
Produced by Eddie Gorodetsky and the associate producer is Nina
Fitzgerald.
Continuity is by Eeps Martin and the editor is Damian Rodriguiz.
The supervising editor is Rob Macomber.
The research team is Diane Lapson and Bernie Bernstein with
additional research courtesy of Lynne Sheridan, April Hayes, Callie Gladman,
Terrence Michaels, Sean Patrick and Matthew Belcher.
Robert Bower was the li-burn and production coordinator was Debbie
Sweeney.
Special thanks go out to Randy Ezratty, Coco Shinomiya, Samson's
Diner and Lee Abrams.
Tex Carbone was our Director of Studio Operations. Recorded in
Studio B of the historic Abernathy Building, built in 1848.
It’s a Graywater Park production in association with Big Red
Tree. This is your announcer, Pierre Mancini, speaking.
***
Commentary
And we’ll close with other questions that Dreamtime has been asked several times since the
“Kiss” episode was first announced: “What is this?” “Is it an unaired show or a
new TTRH?” “Why did it suddenly appear?” “Why did it take until 2009 for
Wanda Jackson to get into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?”
And my answer is, “Damned if I know.” Me, I like to
think of it as an unexpected Valentine’s Day gift from Mr. D. and the Theme
Time Radio Hour gang. And, maybe, if we’re lucky, there are more shows
locked away in the Studio B vault of the historic Abernathy Building and, sooner
or later, we’ll get to hear those too.
“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -
And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -
I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.
~ Emily Dickinson, hopeful poet.
It’s been fun. We’ll see you next week. In the immortal
words of Albert Einstein, “Go kiss someone you love.”
